Just got back from an hour meditating at the cemetery and this is what I wanted to say before I stop brogging for a bit:

We remote control skeletons that will outlast us.

See for yourself.

And as I was sitting there in the cemetery, a tree started to blur into the shape of a dark face and I thought "even if you were real you'd just be a creation of YHWH".

And here I am.

I thought I'd have something better to say than this.

I am at my personal limit with a few things in my life right now. Yes, contrary to popular opinion, I do not devulge everything about my life in my brog or on my videos. Whatever you think you know, you don't, and ... yeah, I just lost my train of thought.

If I wind up in the hospital again, I may very well be angry.

I'm listening to the instrumental soundracks from Batman Begins. Good stuff.

Look at me two sentences up, talking all high and tough. Jeez. So how many times have I quit blogging? How many years did I go without recording any video? How many offers have I refused?

Not enough apparently.

I'm the bad guy and that's the bottom line.

In my spare time I must like to take advantage of women. Take them in the back of my tour bus for "back rubs" and whatnot. Whatever.

I could go on about the things I must like to do, I could give names and dates, but I would only still be 'the bad guy'. Like politicians, I am re-writing my history the way I see fit, and right now, I have a clean slate. Why? Beacuse I just said so, and I am more important than you are. I was on MTV. See? That settles that. 

If I think I'm more than just a carnie, then I probably am.

This is me calming myself down with Batman.

It's cool that some people like to pretend how bad they've had it, where being a cocaine addict and standing in a welfare line is what defines them as a person, and gives them that street cred' over the rest of the snobtastic people around them. Oh what a life it must be. They have it so rough you know. I'm sure they think they deserve whatever luxuries they have now. What a joke. How do they work those ratios? One dead family member = 10 years of bliss? A dead cat = 1 new Mustang? 5 years of homelessness = 20 years of happy marriage? 

I don't know.  

I wonder sometimes.

Does anyone even know me?

Do people that read my brogs know me? Does my family know me? Do my friends know me?

I am one of the most anti-social people I know. Sometimes the most social thing I do is this. Other times I have gone a month without even showering, because I knew I wouldn't be seeing anyone. And that was this year. I can hide for long periods of time. I can survive with little to no food. I have no bad habits or drug prescriptions that keep me chained to the system. I am able to exist without any wires attached for as long as the human body is able to, and then some.

But then again, I can also be very social. I can be the life of the party, the guy up front, the leader, the drummer, the front man, the whatever I need to be. I have that in me, and I don't attach to any one particular version of myself. I drive many different vehicles, have many different interests, run various and unrelated businesses, and am completely unconcerned with the world outside of my own pretty much half the time. The other half I catch up on news and world events and realize what a lie we are all living in.

And all of that said and admitted, I still don't have any children, any wife, or any significant other to share it with. I have been divorced, engaged, and through the ringer enough times to know what's what when it comes to this culture and the women in it.

I have my faith, and my daily prayer and devotions, my firm and unshakeable stability in my trust in YHWH and the grace He has given me to get this far. Every good thing I have certainly has been given to me, by Him. If you stop to consider for a moment - everything you have is a gift. It starts from birth. You were gifted this body, this mind, these parents, your name, your food and the teeth to chew it with. Someone took care of you for as long as it took to get you weened and walking, and here you are - reading my brog. I am humbled. And thankful.

You know what you get for being different? A kick in those teeth. Thanks for coming out, now go somewhere and die quietly. That's what this world system has to offer you if you choose to stray from the common path. Like we're all a bunch of animals or something. This city life is killing us. Do you see cows anywhere? Where are the farms? Where are the crops? Where are the animals that you eat every day? Where is all this vegetation that is feeding the city you live in?

Sitting on top of a grave and pondering life, I realized - I am literally a few feet away from dead peoples bones. Then another thought occured to me - I am literally carrying around in my body a skeleton, a skeleton that will actually outlast the very "me" I am referring to.

I'm going to stop writing for a while now. Take care everyone.