I decided to break my silence, seeing as how I apparently can't keep this one to myself. We'll get back to your regular scheduled silence after this short diatribe from our sponsor.

Dear Eyeballs,

What am I doing right now? I am forming thoughts, using left brain language I have learned, then organizing my left and right hands, and all the fingers on them to type out the representation of those words into letters that make up sounds on a keyboard, into this blog. Most likely you are sitting down, the light and lack of it is projecting out into your eyeballs from your monitor, and whatever voodoo is going on between your eyeballs and your optic nerves to your brain and cognitive understanding - I don't fully get quite yet, but I do know that I am not these words, you are not your eyes. We aren't here. I'm not really here. By the time you read this, all it will be is an image of how I felt a while ago. A painting of something I was trying to describe. A conceptual pigeon-hole of verbal "oohs" and "aaahs" that somehow would resonate your brain to understand what I am saying - but I'm actually not saying anything - which is even more amazing. This voice in your head right now is all you. It's not even me. You project outwards that it's me, like you are feeling around for me, but it's not really me at all, is it?

A few days ago I wrote something to a friend out West, and I am sort of regretting it now. It went something like this, "We didn't ask to be here and I don't remember where I was before this. If we are the children of God, then what does that say about His parenting skills?" Broadly speaking, I can see a lot of truth in that sentence, even still. I am glad that I have been gifted with the intelligence to even think such abstract concepts but today, I realized the fundamental flaw in my crying, whining-to-a-friend logic.

Allow me to illustrate my point. Common themes surrounding near-death experiences are that the person has a massive increase of awareness, past, present and future - that - and the person is usually tripping out on DMT, as it's pumped from the pineal gland to soothe the change from one state to the next. Massive awareness. Past, present and future. I mean, you look at some people on this planet and you think, "Wow, what a life, there's no way that they would ever have chosen to be here in this life if you had given them the choice". But, and as I was trying to get at, this is a fundamental flaw in my viewpoint, and yours too if you shared the same view as I did - until today.

I do strongly believe in a Higher Creative power. I think if you objectively checked out this blog I wrote called Proof Of God, I think you'd come away from it with something like "alright, I may not know about Jehovah, or Allah, or Buddha, or Hare Krishna, but - something is definitely out there." Personally, I also strongly believe that this same power isn't me. That's a catchy thing. Between you and me, most people of faith I know never get over that one. Is the God you believe in really just you? Or is He/She outside of yourself, something "Sovereign" and unique? For me the answer is yes, He is Sovereign and Unique. I believe He has a Name, and that people have spoken wrongly in it and for Him for all of History. That being the case, I have to admit that as of right now I am still in this body, and that I haven't had my fatal near-death experience quite yet, which ultimately leads me to the conclusion that the fundamental flaw in my viewpoint that I didn't choose to be here lies in the fact that I assume that I didn't choose to be here, or that I won't make that choice in the future. And if we chose to be here, how does that affect my outlook on life? I mean, either way you look at it, we're here. The world keeps spinning. So then the overall paradigm shift would have to be measured in a quality of life argument, seeing as we are all equal in regards to being alive, despite our faith or lack thereof. In this regard, I from hereforth choose to live life with the understanding that for some reason, I chose to be here to live it. That I wasn't forced here. That no one put a gun to my infant head and screamed LIVE! ...even if I can't quite yet understand the decision that I have yet to make.

Looking at the same topic from the Theologians point of view. The Creator put in the first man a droplet of eternal consciousness, when that man died he probably would have made the decision that the infinite limitlessness of his being was better expressed outside of a body than inside one. Thus he decided it was good and right for him to be in the body for the insignificant amount of time that he had been, and he wouldn't have changed it if he could - because being in the body is what allowed his being to experience feeling, taste, touch, smell, memory, human love, knowledge, etc. etc. That same man had children, and what happens when you divide and pass on eternal consciousness? You wind up with more eternal consciousness. Like dividing a hologram. In that sense, we're here because life grows/dies/grows, through no fault of its own, but by design. Stop breathing. You can't, unless you are choosing to die, because life grows and lives all on it's own - it's automatic. That would make it seem like the choice that we question, the - did we choose to be here? - seems to be a question that we may have to actually die to find the answer to - if you are attacking the question from a secular point of view. That is, unless you have faith. Yet another way of looking at this question - Did we choose to be here? - is; I can tell you with 99.9% certainty that you will have to make 3 decisions in the next 48 hours of your life:

1. You will have to choose whether or not you want to eat.
2. You will have to choose what you want to eat/what you will wind up putting in your face.
3. You will have to choose when it is time for you to sleep. 

Now, having this advance knowledge of something that you will do - with 99.9% accuracy - doesn't make it any less of a decision for you, does it? When it comes time to eat between now and the next 48 hours are you going to say, "Damn, that Adam guy was right!"? No, you probably won't. Just because we know that we will have to make a decision, even if we still don't quite yet fully know the outcome of it, doesn't make the decision any less valid, or important, or any less of an expression of an individuals free will. Although, me telling you that you will in fact decide to eat something in the next 48 hours probably does sort of make you not want to - doesn't it?

This has been the Theologians stance all along; that the Creator designed us better than do-what-I-command-you-right-now Robots. It means more to get love and respect from Han Solo than from R2D2.

Yeah, I just reduced Intelligent Design to a Star Wars analogy. Gold stars for me!